lonely

Starting Afresh

Posted on by sonalkamath

So I guess it’s been a while since I saw my own website. I have been swamped with work! Oh, but first let me tell you that I have finally found a permanent job at a renowned cosmetic contract manufacturing. My interview went really well and I was hoping to nail this one. And I did! It has been two months here and I have been learning quite a bit. I really wanted to switch jobs, get recognized for what I am doing. And I guess this is a stepping stone towards that. There have been so many changes in my life right now.

I moved closer to my new job that is in New York. No! not New York city, just New York state. Its a beautiful drive I take every morning. It was horrible in the snow but I made it. I moved all my stuff in the storm too! It’s like the storm wants to be my best buddy. Also, I am the only Indian in my workplace. Breather from New Jersey/ Indian land. Not like I hated it, I still do love New Jersey. But this is different. May be good different; I haven’t decided yet. Its too early.

I was kinda thrown into the middle of our innovation collection at work. It was like mad house a month ago. I really don’t know how I survived it. The job is teaching me the dynamics of a manufacturing unit I had never seen before. It is so different from the previous companies I worked for. I’m definitely learning though. I guess, sometimes, you just have to take one day at a time. And then all goes well. Its not the best place to build your career but I feel like I made a good start. In this day and age it’s so important to have a good relationship with all your colleagues for various reasons. One being your own sanity. The minute things go south, stress increases. I am definitely learning to ignore the things that irk me.

Living alone has been difficult, more like overwhelming. I handle my own bills now, clean the apartment and do the dishes by myself 😦 Not to mention all the cooking. Its tough to keep your mind occupied all the time in an empty apartment but I guess I have been doing okay. Its as if I have been given all this time to plan my life ahead. Plan about the more important things.

When I left home four years ago, I thought I had taken the biggest step of my life. I was wrong. That’s because I landed a fantastic group of friends and roommates here. I realize now living alone has been the toughest thing I’ve had to do.

I know I do have a long way to go. Build a career first, save some money to support a family. The future looks bright and I hope I can be positive and determined through this learning curve of my life.

For all you people out there who are considering living alone (moving out from your parents house or not living with roommates anymore); I think you should think twice before doing this. Its a lot of responsibility, its expensive and you have to pretty much take care of yourself. Having said that, sometimes its amazing to unwind by yourself, doing things you like- be it watching your favorite show or just reading a book or playing an instrument. It feels like it is going to be okay. And then a new day begins. I would recommend every person to live alone at least once in their life. See and experience the bigger picture.

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Lonely, I am so lonely; I have nobody to call my own…

Posted on by sonalkamath

This is how I felt when I first moved here. Cliche but true. I think most of us feel lonely when we first come to a different world, away from our comfort zone. Though I do know people who love this opportunity to meet new people, interact and make new friends. I find this a little weird. Don’t get me wrong, I am sociable. But I do find excessively chirpy ones among new people; a little weird.

India is crowded; very crowded as compared to the various states in the United States. You wouldn’t see a stretch of land without any people on it. I am from Mumbai, I have never seen empty spaces of land. Growing up there, I got used to the cars honking, hawkers shouting at the curb of the road, women shouting at each other so they could win their argument. This was routine for me. And how can I forget the heat and the humidity. Ah! Sweat! And of course, the smell.

A big part of my childhood consisted of playing with my neighbors and the sleepovers. It was four of us girls; sure there was a lot of fighting. But there was also a lot of caring, sharing and doing all the girly stuff together. And as we grew up, there was shopping! I fondly remember those days, when were we wore each others clothes. Today its different, considering one of us has a 6 year old boy. He is quite the rockstar. I don’t recollect a single day where our doors would be closed and we wouldn’t be running around in both the apartments.That was the feeling of belonging. I knew all my neighbors. I ate home cooked meals with them every other weekend.

So, when I landed here, in the US, I was quite shocked and depressed. I knew no one. I had no neighbors and no friends around. This feeling can really be overpowering if you don’t do anything about it. I waited for a good two weeks to realize I wasn’t in India anymore. And that my family and my friends are 10,000 miles away. Reality struck me bad. I cried a lot that night, slowly understanding that I truly was by myself.

I have seen students leaving mid- semester and going back to India. Just because they cannot handle the pressure of being alone or rather by themselves. Let me tell you this, we aren’t really alone. There are thousands, just like us, who are struggling to make it here; who are scared to ask for help. I, once wanted to go back home. I had decided to give up, lost all faith. But then my father reminded me that I was a fighter. I have always fought my way through different times. Achieved great things through hard work.

I am lucky I found amazing friends who are like family. You always feel the need to find somebody, especially during the holidays. Someone to cuddle with in the cold. How would you do that if you stayed depressed and lonely at home. So go out! Mingle! And am sure you won’t feel lonely or unhappy anymore. Trust me, it isn’t too difficult to open up to a stranger. No reason to get hurt or nothing to lose. Take this chance and enjoy your holidays!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Palmer Square, Princeton, NJ

Palmer Square, Princeton, NJ